Virtual and hybrid (simultaneous in-person and online) memorial services increased dramatically in popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic. When limitations on in-person gatherings made it impossible to gather for grieving and remembrance, online celebrations of life, virtual wakes, cyber sitting shiva, and other memorial activities provided comfort and coherence to those suffering loss in an otherwise isolated time of mourning. Remote memorial services—whether via Facebook, Zoom, Facetime, or another online platform—helped people heal together, apart.
And these kinds of services are here to stay. Even after the pandemic, the flexibility, affordability, and accessibility of online memorial events will appeal to folks seeking to bring family and friends together across the miles—including those who cannot travel or are homebound.
Your clients will turn to you for guidance in planning online memorial events. As with any memorial service, virtual services require planning and patience at a time when emotions run high and focus is scattered. The following tips will help you assist your clients as they gather the details needed for as smooth and healing an experience as possible.
1. Discern Your Core Attendees. As with any service, core attendees—the ones who absolutely must be there—include family, very close friends, and the like.
2. Choose Your Date and Time. Because hybrid events require less travel, you may find attendees are more flexible about dates and times. Be sure that you have cleared the date and time with all core attendees before publicizing it.
3. Assign Roles. These roles will include roles in the service itself, such as readers, and people in charge of handling the tech aspects of the online event. It makes all the difference in the world to select one or more “tech hosts,” who will take care of the nuts and bolts of the online aspects of the gathering before and as it happens. This means that the tech hosts will make sure any music, slides, speakers, and guests are seen and heard (or not!) at the right times. Tech hosts can also record the service, admit people to the virtual platform, ensure that the meeting settings are correct, and assist anyone needing help using the virtual platform.
4. Choose an Online Platform. Your clients have a number of options. Zoom is among the most popular. Facetime can work in a pinch for a solo remote participant. It’s worth noting that many companies will also assist clients with creating online events. These companies offer a spectrum of services ranging from video compilation to complete organization of the online event, from invitations to slide-show development. Such firms are easily located online, but it’s important to do some research to ensure a positive experience for such an emotional event.
5. Share the Details Online and/or Send Invitations. Consider privacy when sharing links to online events. Sharing an event on Twitter or Facebook, for example, will open the event up to potential “bombers,” who might disrupt the event. There are safety protocols (controlled muting and unmuting, lobbies, breakout rooms, passwords) that can prevent such disruptions if your client chooses to publicly post their virtual memorial event. Otherwise, online invitations, private Facebook groups, or email are excellent options for inviting folks to a service online.
6. Create the Service. Online events can easily integrate with in-person services, if desired. For example, some participants in a service can speak or read from the virtual platform, while others do so in person. Whether an event is hybrid or completely online, the service can be as traditional or as innovative as the client prefers. Clergy input, if any, will matter, as well.
7. Have a Rehearsal Beforehand. It’s a good idea to have a run-through with service participants to ensure that the tech hosts and participants are comfortable with the chosen platform. People who are both unfamiliar with technology and grieving are under a lot of stress, so this time to practice is all the more important.
8. Set the Event Up with High Control for the Tech Hosts. Enable the hosts (not the participants) to control muting and unmuting, disable screen sharing for everyone but preselected people, consider disabling the chat feature, and consider running the event as a “webinar,” so that attendees cannot accidentally (or intentionally) disrupt the service.
